"Cows in the morning, cows in the morning, one two three, up and at'em, up and at'em, with a pick" Black Books Bloopers Season 1

Dear diary...
Today I found a stick up my crack...
How peculiar....

Dear diary...
[Back to the flashback]
I could feel the heat eminating both from him and the volcano.. It was mesmerizing..
I was watching him intently as he got down on his belly, nose facing the warm volcano ash..
He looked up at me with his one beautiful big puppy eye.. And I was enthralled..
He asked me a simple question: "will you shave my back?"
"Yes yes yes!" I exclaimed
He smiled at me with his hillbilly teeth..
All of a sudden the volcano errupted and as the lava was running down like a waterfall, he asked me to be his flubber lover..
[End of flashback]
*happy sigh*

Dear diary..
How can I describe how I feel today...?
The only thing that comes close, is the day my Jelly Bear asked me to be his Meatpie..
[Flashback]
I remember the day we met, a cold and grey day, grey yet cold day.
I felt a stick up my crack, took it out, saw no-one and chucked the stick away.. I carried on walking, and once again a stick up my crack..
When I turned around, there he was.. The Jelly Bear with his fur, flowing like rApunZel's chin hair...
Oh damn.. Ran out of time.. Need to buy me some smaller clothes..